banner by wintry_hours

This journal is friends only now. I'm Sam and my journal used to be yankeesam32935 and if you're interested in reading some of my fics, then you can head over to ficgalore . Comment to be considered and check out my profile for some info on me. I'm always open to making new friends, but we should have something in common. I'm also a ranter, so beware if you don't want to read journal entries on me making fun of various things.  If you want to read my introduction post, that is right here. Comment away!

First, thanks to everyone who commented on my last post. It's really meant a lot because I've felt really lost the last few days. Also, a huge thank you to all of everyone who has been supporting me on Facebook, LJ, and Twitter. And finally a very special thank you to nalakaori_chan for everything. Thank you, Liv.

I'll just give bit of a rundown. According to one of the doctors that has been trying to help save my boyfriend, James, he only had 24 hours to show improvement of some sort or he would die because he lost too much blood. I can't even begin to explain how terrifying it is to contemplate the fact that you are going to lose the one person you love most in the world and what that actually means to me. It doesn't matter how many people tell you to calm down because you can't. It's impossible.

So I don't really know what I was expecting today. It could have be the most terrifying day or my life or the happiest. I did regain some of my resolve last night though because I will fight for him until there is no chance left. I know he would do the same for me. I was in the hospital this morning and just sitting by his beside and I was telling him that he had to fight because he couldn't leave his son or me for that matter. That we needed him. Because we do. That we love him. Because we do. And nothing.

So I was sitting there for at least a half hour before I felt movement along the bed and I noticed stirring. James stirring. My heart probably almost burst out of my body, but he actually opened his eyes slowly and noticed me. And let me tell you, the best feeling in the world is when you think the person you love is going to die and they actually look at you and say in a voice that is gravelly with pain, "Sam." He actually said my name and attempted to smile because he knew how worried I was about him. Of course I start crying like a maniac.

I'm just so happy right now. He's stable. He's going to make it. His doctor even just told me so a couple of hours ago. He's still extremely weak, but he doesn't look bad at all. He actually grasped my hand and told me that he would never leave me or our son because he's still counting on a baby girl. Yes, he's been talking about more babies already.

Today is a good day. That is all.

This has gotten out of control now. Gossip Girl is one of the worst fandoms where everyone takes everything so seriously. Apparently, with a lot of people you're not allowed to have an opinion unless it matches their own. And God forbid you actually don't like something and let it be known then you're then worse than the devil.

One thing known in the GG fandom is everyone bitches about everything. It's true. It's gotten vicious though lately and I'm glad I'm no longer a part of this fandom anylonger.

I've been banned from a community, got into a heated debate last night with someone, and been bashed on Fanforum and told that I insulted, attacked, and called someone stupid (I did none of those ) and this is ridiculous.

We all know this is about astoria_potter drabble. What is the fucking big deal? I'm not asking to like it or even approve of it because I know a lot of people won't and that fine, but she's a very good friend of mine and I feel the need to stick up for her and not let people continue to bash her repeatedly for this.

The big problem here is people are making this into an issue of making it okay for other woman to call each other whores and sluts. Ellyce never says this in her drabble. There is one line where she makes a point concerning Leighton's video and the way she is dressed and this is it:

"God, yeah," Ed shook his head in disbelief. "What is she, a hooker?"

In no way is she calling Leighton a whore, hooker, or slut. She's merely referring to the way that she is dressed in the video and let's face it's she's scantily clad and basically the whole video is her flaunting her sexuality. That's fine. I'm definitely not one of those repressed sexual types (see me being pregnant) but the one thing I hate is how the music industry works. They figure if they dress Leighton provocatively then the video will sell. She hardly sings in and it's kind of gross. I'm not a fan of women sexing it up to make something sell but that's just me. I think that is one thing that actually degrades the female, continuing to view us as only sexual creatures. And you know that if a guy sees Leighton in that video that he's only thinking one thing and that's SEX.

With all that being said, I got into a heated debate last night with brittykay247 about this. She left quite the comment on Ellyce's personal journal.

Not that she would waste her time, but just so you know....this could be considered SLANDER, which means that you could be SUED for defamation of a person and their co-workers. Not saying Leighton would ever waste her time in stooping as low as to even CARE that you wrote a disgusting fic about a WOMAN (which you are one btw, and should have more respect) that makes me want to throw up in my freaking mouth right now.

You should look out in the future because other people may just follow through on that whole legal action for slander thing...

Now, I could not keep my mouth shut and I replied to this commenter who I actually know from fanfiction.net and Fanforum. I went to law school for a few months back when I was eighteen because I got a scholarship into Harvard. And as I know, opinions can not be considered either slander, defamation or libel because it's protected by the constitutional free speech. What we are talking about here is libel and nothing else, but it is completely rude and wrong to make nameless threats to someone because you don't even know what the hell you're talking about. The only way this could be considered that is if it ruined Leighton's career and to be honest, she's never going to see this.

I don't understand how this got so out of control. It's disgusting. All those people who made extremely rude comments on astoria_potter LJ should be ashamed. Because in the end what are they saying they don't want? Oh right, hurtful comments to a woman made by a woman, but yet these commenters have done the same thing.

Also, to those people stalking her Twitter. Do you really have nothing better to do? This is all. I'm not playing around with this anymore.

One thing about the GG fandom is that a lot of the people think the world revolves around them or Leighton or any other person. It does not. We have all different matters of opinion and that's a fact. It's gotten to the point where you can't even discuss fandom right now.

And so this is my last journal entry for good. I'm not deleting my journal because I will keep it to post comments, but I will not be making entries anymore. I don't have time for the cattiness in the fandoms, FUCK FANDOM, or even the drive to post anymore. I'm pregnant, my collection is almost due, I have finals, and I'm seriously going to consider my bf's offer in the next year or so and contemplate getting married. Just let's not take everything so seriously anymore, please? People don't deserve this.

So that friends cut I did a few weeks back? I finally cut some of those people that I've never really clicked with, talked to, or just don't want on my flist. If you can't see this entry, you've been cut. Best luck to you in the future though.

And I'm going to be on Hiatus until about April I think. And now I have to go to a funeral. If some of you want to cut me because I won't be commenting as much during my hiatus, then go right ahead. Just tell me if you're going to do it or leave a comment on this entry. I won't be frequenting LJ much, but you can find me on Twitter and Facebook as always.

Good luck to everyone. :)

 

( A post that explains everything in the world about me, probably more than you ever wanted to know.  )

My darling, Lily, (lcmeester ) did this so I'm going to do it as well.

I think this is my fifth friends cut of the year, but my first on this journal. Basically just comment on this entry. Saying if you want to stay friends with me or whatever. If you don't want to be friends with me anymore, don't comment and you will be cut.

I'm just tired of having these people on my flist who don't comment on anything and then I see various entries from them on my friends page and it's gets hectic, and I just want to make sure that I have friends on my list who actually comment on entries.

I usually hate saying, "Comment on this entry or you'll be cut" but this time I'm doing to do it because I'm busy as hell and I need to make sure that I'm not commenting on entries when that same person doesn't comment on mine.

Post will be up for a week and then whoever hasn't commented will be cut. Sorry! Some of you need not to worry, but comment anyways.

Again, sorry for doing this, but my friends list needs to get lighter anyway.

I'm moving today. In a half hour. James surprised me the other day with something. He bought me, Alex, and himself a place to live and I'm excited as all hell.


I totally stole this poll from fanelia_angel but I'm doing it anyways.


How well do you know me? Well step right up and found out! (I'm sorry I'm being so lame and cheesy, but I'm very tired and rushed.)


Poll #1475749 Friends
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: None, participants: 17

My first name is...

I am __ years of age...

I currently live in...(city or state)

My relationship status is...

Do I have kids?

Right now I am...

I am...

Anything you would like to say to me?

Finally, which couple do you ship?

I might have a little surprise for the person that gets the most questions right. That's all I will be saying.

Nothing is really going on with me. I had a stressful day yesterday, but I'm not going to go into that right now.

So the first meme. If you're on my friends list I really want you to fill this out. Please. Stolen from dysenchanted2


I really want to know more about all of my friends so here goes:

Name:
Age:
Location(s):
Favorite color & food:
Things that make you happy:
Interesting fact about you:
Why did you choose your username?
Song(s) of the moment:
Book(s) of the moment:
Movie(s) of the moment:
TV Show(s) of the moment:
Fandom(s) & OTP(s):
Anything else?

As for the second meme, I stole this one from officenerdgirl

Give me a fandom and I'll tell you:


1. The first character I fell in love with:
2. The character I never expected to love as much as I do now:
3. The character everyone else loves that I don’t:
4. The character I love that everyone else hates:
5. The character I would shag anytime:
6. The character I'd want to be like:
7. The character I'd slap:
8. A pairing that I love:
9. A pairing that I despise:
10. Favorite character:
11. What are my five favorite things about the fandom?
12. What are my five least favorite things about the fandom?
13. Who are my five favorite characters?
14. Who are my five least favorite characters?
15. What are my five favorite pairings?
16. What are my five least favorite pairings?
17. Which character you are most like?
18. What is my deep, dark fandom secret?

This is a rant based on the Twilight saga. I warn that I'm not trying offend anyone here, it's just a matter of my opinion. I have wrote more along the lines of an essay about why I hate this saga. I know that I have a lot of friends on my flist who adore this series and I say to you to read this and maybe it will give you some wisdom that you didn't have before. I'm honest, blunt, and always say what is on my mind. If you're not interested then don't read. It's as simple as that.

Poll #1461701 Twilight
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 22

Do you like the Twilight Saga?

 

( The reasons why I hate Twilight. I warn you that it might not be a good idea to read this if you like this series )

I fail at replying to my friend entries, as well as replying to emails. *sigh* Getting there. Tonight I promise.

I have 8 userpics uploaded right now and I'm going to die. ;)

Okay, here's the deal with James. I was at work on Friday morning and my phone rings and it's him. One of my ex-asshole friends gave him my number and he expressed concern that he wanted to be a father now that he's had time to take everything in. Yeah. I know that I said the words fuck you to him and we got into an argument and that was that.

Later on Friday evening, he shows up at where I work. And seeing him again reaffirmed that I still love him, which I hate. I can't get over him even with everything that he has done to me and I hate that so much. I don't want to love him. *sigh*

Anyway, he told me on Friday that he quit his job in Florida and is moving to San Diego, so that he can be a father and he wants me to get the Termination of Parental Rights form that he signed thrown out. I've been really stressed since Friday. It's been kind of horrible. Ah. He's serious and genuine this time though, but I am very wary of him. I just have to make sure this isn't another game. He asked if we could get back together and I said no way in hell and he was disappointed.

We spent the whole day together yesterday and went shopping for our baby. I told him it was a boy and he was really excited. He seems like he wants this. He keeps touching my stomach and the line of love and hate for me for him is very thin at the moment. Then he asked if he could stay with me, while he found his place and I said no way in hell. Whew.

James is moving here. I'm going to have to see him every day. OMG. He's going to kill me. And my boyfriend apparently hates me now because he won't speak to me and it doesn't matter how many times I tell him that I want him and not James. I know that Jake wanted to be the father, but James is the actual father and if he's serious then I have to let him be. They're both going to kill me before the week is over.

I still don't trust James. At all. I'm going to make it work though and I have to go meet him now because he wants to go over some other things.

By the way, I posted a picture of James at my new community samdailypic , you know that I'm going to pimp that out until I'm satisfied.

I also broke down and watched Gossip Girl the other day after bitching about it the whole summer. Haha. I was unimpressed, but I might watch it. And I wrote a Nate/Serena smutty fic. What has come over me? ;)

How has everyone's weekend been?

Welcome to the new home of yankeesam32935 , that being labeauteausei . I hated my username and my journal was full of bad memories, so I had to switch. Now begins the long process of adding back all the friends and communities that I was involved in, which sucks. 

I just need a fresh new place to start all of my rants. Haha. ;)

If you're wondering about my new username, it's actually is French and means "The beauty within." I thought it was kind of beautiful, so that's where I'm at.

I'm stuck with fifteen userpics probably for about a month now, since I'm completely broke ever since I stepped into a baby store. *sigh* Oh well. I'll have to deal with it.

Also, does anyone know where I can get an interesting LJ layout? I'm already bored with this one.


By the way, I hate James. He always has to fuck things up right when I'm finally happy. Off to go meet with him now! Joy.



XOXO

Sam